Why Don’t You Want to Die?

Posted on 11.14.06 in Faith and there are 18 comments.

So we had a great discussion at our Bible study tonight about our purpose in life.

One girl shared about how her mind was going through different things as she went for a run the other night and she asked herself, “Why don’t I just want to die and be with Jesus? Why do I want to live?”

Though she’s a great leader in our church and has a heart for missions and mentoring women, the reasons that came to her were that she wants to support and encourage her husband and see her children grow up to fulfill God’s purpose in their lives.

It struck me that answering that question, “Why don’t I want to die?” is profoundly revealing of what our true priorities are.

There are a lot of “junk food” goals and activities that we can fill our lives with that seem important, bring immediate satisfaction or just make us feel better about ourselves, but they don’t really reflect what we truly want from life.

So why don’t you want to die? Are those the same things that drive you to live each day? What “junk food” activities get in your way?

The Comments:

Skip to comment form

To be honest, the well-being of my family is a concern for me.  But, with God’s provision both in the present and in the future, I know that they would be cared for.  Overall, though, I am very much at peace with death: I guess I feel like what Paul described in 2 Corinthians 5:6-10.  Peace with God’s choices for my life in these areas is not something I greatly struggle with greatly (that is to say, I am content with what God has given to me, not to say that I do not struggle in trying to choose my own path).

When I think of death, or of aging, I often think of Sara Groves song “What Do I Know”, from her Conversations album:

I have a friend who just turned eighty-eight and she just shared with me that she’s afraid of dying.
I sit here years from her experience and try to bring her comfort. I try to bring her comfort,
But what do I know? What do I know?
She grew up singing about the glory land, and she would testify how Jesus changed her life.
It was easy to have faith when she was thirty-four, but now her friends are dying, and death is at her door.

Oh, and what do I know? Really, what do I know?

Read the rest of the lyrics, and hear a snippet, here

Very weird- been thinking about this exact question today before seeing this.  Actually been wondering it since music (worship team at church) practice last night as one person mentioned they had a close call with some kind of mass in their body and the testing of it for cancer.  They spoke of how the only thing that seemed important was that they wanted to live, and I wondered why do we want to live so much if we truly believe heaven is a better place?

I think the answers I came up with were right in line with the ones your small group friend said- for my family.  Not as much for me as for them- I want my kids to grow up with a Daddy and want my wife to grow old with me. 

And I still struggle with understanding whether we are truly in heaven when we die, or asleep in Christ until His return.  This is a whole other can of worms which you may not want to open right now, but it would seem that if we are indeed asleep in Christ until His return and He will raise the dead in Christ to meet Him in the air, we might as well be alive and living here rather than waiting in a hole in the ground.  Just my opinion! 

What’s yours Kat?  Others?

Dave,
That’s quite a can of worms you’re trying not to open.  I’ve done a bit of study on this, but one conclusion that I’ve come to is that neither “path” (instant translation to the eternal kingdom upon death or sleep in the grave until the resurrection at the return) should affect how I live right now.  Once you’re dead, there just ain’t much to be done about where you’re going; better to prepare for the final resting place in life.

Part and parcel with that can of worms is the question of hell: Is hell, at least as we have commonly understood it, what God truly describes as the eternal punishment for sinners; or, is it a blending of Christian teaching with the ancient Hellenistic concept of Hades?  And what about Purgatory?  There is some interesting writing on these subjects out there.

(Sorry, Kat.  Totally off topic.)

Euphrony,
I love that song. Sara Groves is definitely a favorite of mine.

My train of thought, though, wasn’t so much about being afraid to die it was about realizing why we want to live.

I want to live for pretty much the same reasons Dave mentioned. I want to grow old with my husband and to see my girls get married and be women to love God well. My reason for loving life is not because I want to be a great housekeeper, web designer or businesswomen. Those are fun things (well, not the housekeeper one) but they’re not my reasons for living.

However, in my day to day life, those “little” things, housekeping, web design, blogging, business are the very things that tend to take precedence over what truly matters to me - my family.

Not sure if all that makes sense....

Dave,
Honestly, I’m not much of a theologian. I suppose I’ve always just been taught that when you die you go to be with Jesus straightaway.

Euphrony,
I don’t mind off topic stuff at all. Interesting stuff that, frankly, I’ve not thought much about.

Kat, it sure does make sense- I’m reading a book titled ‘Chazown’ right now, which is about basically writing the epitaph you’d like to have when you die, and then adjusting your life to make the daily choices that achieve that goal.  It’s been a good book so far, but it has me kinda living in a place I’m uncomfortable right now- the not knowing something I need to decide, and not being able to sleep until I do know it.

Euphrony, if you’re seeking to live as most of us are, that’s quite true.  But if you are someone like Kat’s friend who brought up the question of why we want to live so much, then I do think it’s a relevant question.  If I died in 30 seconds, and was instantly with my Savior, I think my motivation to continue living is lessened somewhat.  If on the other hand, I’m just going to be laying in the ground anyway, might as well keep on living, eh?  Boy, what a topic!

This time of year, Kat, I ponder death a lot.  My friend Kyle dies this time last year.  My grandmother, the person I’ve felt closest to other than my wife, died when I was 19 at this time of year.  Fall always turns my head to mortality - so your post fits my brain space well right now.

I used to think I wasn’t afraid to die.  Then the doctor said it looked to him that I probably had cancer.  It was November.  I was 26, married with one child.

I realized I was afraid.  I was afraid of HOW I would die.  I was regretting that I hadn’t risked more, related better to family and friends, that my daughter would date without me to decipher boys for her, or marry without my arm to hold as she walked down the aisle.

I watched my grandmother die of cancer.  She smiled.  And I don’t think for minute she misses me or sees me.  Her eyes, I imagine, are fixed on Someone too captivating to look away from.  So it’s not my missing life here or my wife or my kids that scares me about death.  I won’t miss them at all and in what seems like a second we’ll be together again. No, I think it’s them not having me that scares me.

I believe a father is vital.  I believe a friend, a conversation, a kiss, a laugh can reveal a pinhole glimpse of God.  I’m thankful that people do that for me and I want to be here to do that for them.

But there’s some ego in that too I’ve realized.  I guess, to be scarily honest, I think I’m the only person who can father my kids, the only man who can love my wife and the only friend who can be there when someone’s needed.  And that’s just not true.  My wife filled my grandmother’s encouraging shoes.  A new pastor will fill Kyle’s.  Life goes on.

But it sure does make me think:  Even if it’s a lie, if I think most of the time I’m the only one to fill these roles here on earth, I should be about it and let nothing deter me.  I should put the things I THINK only I can do before the things I know ANYONE could do.  Anyone can sing a song.  Not anyone can teach my son to ride a bike or put my daughters’ hair in pony tails.

I want to live for the things I wrongly believe only I can do.

Thanks for the thought.

Dave, I’m not trying to trivialize the question.  I think the loss of motivation to live you talk about is anticipation of something so close you can taste it.  I am a simply guy, and maybe I’m oversimplifying this, but I don’t know if I have 30 seconds or thirty years to live; so since I know so little of my own mortal time, I see it as a simple choice of living for the superior things. (I think I’m coming off as self-righteous in how I’m writing this.  I’m not trying to be, but rather trying to present the ideal I strive for - living in focus for the eternal and not the temporal.)

And that brings me around to Kat’s original question of what drives me to live each day.  I fill my life, every minute of it (we all do this, but I am addressing this personally).  There is always something to be done, and doing it all really tends to ruin me.  I siphon off time from my family and, more importantly, from God just to make time for the selfishly dictated activities.  Even the things which I dedicate to God occasionally end up distorted as a place-keeper in my day rather than fulfilling the purpose of lifting up Jehovah.  Thus the need that some have written about at great length: simplicity.  Kat, you talked about this some time ago.  We all agree that our lives could and likely should be more simple; distilled down to the essentials and removing the superfluous, the dross, the distracting.  But I (we) rarely seem to do more than talk about it.  More’s the pity that I (we) do not.

The connection, in my mind, between the Sara Groves song and this topic is the perspective of the 88-year old; looking back she sees the passion which captivated her in her youth but has since waned.  For her, the question of death is more immediate than for most, and the doubts of why she lived thusly more prevalent.  When we ask what we are living for today, we are essentially asking if what we live for is something we will regret when life ebbs. (As Shaun noted, he was afraid of HOW he would die, with regrets for not having risked or reached out more.) So I do not separate these conversations in my mind, but keep them together as two sides of the same coin.

Many of those who sleep in the dust of the ground will awake, these to everlasting life, but the others to disgrace and everlasting contempt .
Daniel 12:2 (NASB)

Life, or disgrace and contempt.  Those seem to be the choices, and they are the motivations that drive me in trying to choose what I live for and what drives me daily.  We’ve actually been studying this topic in my small group on Sunday night, looking at the workbook Blueprint for Life by Michael Kendrick and Ben Ortlip.  To be honest, I’ve struggled in this study for two reasons: First, I hate workbook studies; I just wilt when I try to do one, as compared to other forms of study.  Second, I have previously studied this in some depth, thinking about how I live and why I live, and so far this study seems to me as basic review and not challenging.  I hope that changes, because we have another four months we’ll be doing this.

Not to be overly spiritual, (since I very much enjoy my friends and family and such), but I want to live because God has sent me here to live.  If life was just a passing game between creation and eternity then there would be no reason to live.  Just get where you’re going.  But clearly there is a purpose to being here.  And it goes to our understanding of salvation.  If ‘salvation’ means going to heaven, then there’s no point to living.  But salvation means so much more.  We are saved for right now.  We are meant to be here right now.  God has purpose in our lives right now.  It’s not quite as Shaun said that he struggles with - that we are the only ones who can do what we’re doing.  It’s that we are the ones God has called to do the things we’re doing. 

I want to live because I am alive.

So long as I breathe, I believe that I do so because God wants me to.  I could have died any number of ways by now - and by rights, sometimes I probably should have!  But I am still here.  And I am in Christ.  Therefore, I believe that God may use me as he wills.  I’m here to be here so long as I can.

Well said, Cach.  And that’s the crux of my thoughts on this.  I haven’t been able to stop thinking about this since I read it.

The things I was saved to do here on earth are hard to discern.  And so I’m wondering, it’s just a theory, if the things I feel so compelled to do that I even believe I’m the only one capable of are the kinds of things (or some of them) I was saved to do.

Why would I feel so strongly about those things?  Maybe it’s God’s nudge, a clue that those things are great place to begin living out my salvation here now.

Great thoughts folks!  Shaun, I am asking myself the same questions lately- why are there things I’m so passionate about doing, yet there are other things I’m not passionate about, but so much more effective and impactful with?  Should I focus on the things that have impact, even though they may not ‘complete me’, or should I focus on the things I’m passionate about even though they may have the same level of impact/success?

I think there is something to be said about the balance between passion for doing a thing and the timing of doing it.  Perhaps you have a passion for working with Ministry X, but there seems to be no way it which you can currently work in it (other responsibilities pull you away).  The passion may be God’s way of keeping your attention on this until His timing is perfect for you to step in.

I always consider Jesus words and actions to the Syrophoenician woman in Matthew 15.  He told her that He was sent to the lost of Israel first, but because of her faith He did heal her daughter.  Jesus job was to bring Israel to repentance, but He still had (has) a passion for all people no matter their heritage or background.  When this woman came to Him, Jesus saw the Father telling Him to step outside the strict definition of His mission to do something that was His passion and whose time had come.  A similar example can be seen with Paul, who talks about his mission being that of a preacher and not a baptizer (1 Corinthians 1:14-17).  But, in the same sentence he tells of several people he did baptize. Paul had a job, and he knew what his job was, but was more than willing to do other things when God presented him the opportunity.

Cach, you did say it well.  We were created to do good works, so being alive we should be doing them.

In the last 24 hours, my thoughts have turned on a corollary to this question: Why do some people not want to live?  When we got to our church last night for mid-week worship and Bible study, we found out that one of the teens in the youth group had taken his life earlier in the day.  We do not know his family, but I can begin to imagine the questions they and his friends are asking but may never answer.

I want to live for the things I wrongly believe only I can do.

I love that thought.

My husband sometimes wishes he had a job that made bigger difference in the world. At least a more obvious one. But then he realized that because he’s able to work from home and be here for every big and little and teachable moment of our girls’ lives, while he may not be changing the world in his job, he’s putting a stake in the ground for his family for future generations. He’s able to love, train and teach our girls and give them a foundation that will be the basis for people for centuries to come.

Anybody can word for a benefits consulting firm, and anyone can develop websites, but God has given us a mandate to teach and train and love these two (three - in April) children. We are their Mommy and Daddy. Should we get too busy with other things, yes, other people could fulfill our duties, but no one else could fulfill our roles.

“Is this something that only I can do?”

I think I’m going to be asking myself that question a lot because it’s such a great way to eliminate the fluff and say no to the things that seem important but pale in comparison to what I’m really here to do.

I just think I make things so complex sometimes.  I strive to keep a Pure Heart to see God.  God gives me dreams and passions.  He makes them.  He puts them into me. Then I end up spending all of my time trying to prove to God that I love Him by giving up these passions and dreams when it was He that gave them to us in the first place.  Because of this I know that I am responsible for my own misery sometimes.  God just wants us free.  It is almost as if I want to feel burdened.  It is safer to be burdened and forlorn because we do not live out our passions then it is to actually take the chance and do that thing that we are passionate about. My sister has three very “lively” kids.  Even though there were kids in the picture she never has given up on her dream to be a writer. What has been awesome to watch is how she has still been an amazing mom and her kids are inspired by her to reach for their dreams as well.  I don’t know what our jobs will be in Heaven but I know we will be doing something.  I seriously doubt that that we will just be floating around with Jesus.  We will have new bodies and there will be a new Kingdom.  I tend to think that what we are passionate about now just might have something to do with what we will do later.  Who knows? So why not get started now? 

Such a great discussion. I have so many mixed emotions about the subject of death.  Christians more than anyone can have a pronounced morbid fixation, myself included. I used to think about death so much that I would suffer anxiety attacks.

God has helped me with this fear. I have changed in how I view the body of Christ here and after.  I don’t believe that the loved ones go on and don’t miss us or think about us.  I believe that they are more with us now than ever.  I even believe that they still pray for us.  Why would they stop doing that?  Especially, well, now? The veil is pulled back from them and they see things as they are.  We don’t. We see masks and occasionally we get the real thing when we are laugh together which causes us forget the weariness of time altogether.  So me now a part of me later. It is strange but I doubt that there is a person here that hasn’t felt the presence of a loved one gone on.

I want to live now because that is how God has willed it.  I don’t look and search for the Will of God anymore like I used to.  I have to believe that I am the will of God.  You and everyone else here is His will.  I think if I can keep that in mind, I don’t worry so much, looking over my shoulder hoping I am doing everything exactly how God has ‘Willed’ it.  I just try to stay pure in heart and then I can see God.  That is the ultimate will of God right?  -To see him face to face and then all the desire to sin just melts away and we experience total freedom for the first time.

I have waist so much time worrying if I am doing the right thing or things that I have at times missed the great things and gifts that He has given me to enjoy here and now. 

I know what you mean by “Junk Food Activities” but I also think that sitting down and playing a game of Monopoly with your kids could be just as spiritual as a bible study. 

I hope my legacy someday will be “I loved my Wife and family and loved my friends. That I encouraged others to bloomed in this life into all that God has made them to be and I hope that I have I done as much as I can with the gifts that God has given me. I hope the fruits of all of these will lead people to see God even just a little better.

That has been what has been getting the fires burning lately.

oh good lord. sorrys about all my grammatical errorings.  So tired yesterday.  I hope that made senses.

Great post Seth.  Really meaningful to me.  Surely, you make God proud when He thinks of you (which I guess is all the time).  Thanks for posting.

I have changed in how I view the body of Christ here and after.  I don’t believe that the loved ones go on and don’t miss us or think about us.  I believe that they are more with us now than ever.

Share Your Comments:

Name:

Email:

URL (optional):

Smileys

Remember me.

Notify me of follow-up comments?

Submit the word you see below:

Twitter Updates