Parents University: Session 1 Topic

Posted on 01.14.08 in Parenthood Parents University and there are 6 comments.

I just thought I’d let you know that for this Thursday’s Parents University Class, the topic will be discipline.

Your post can be about anything like handling tantrums, dealing with teenage rebellion, the difference between discipline and punishment, strong willed children etc.

I’m sure we’ll revisit this topic often in the future, but I thought I’d leave it broad for this first go-round.

If you have any questions about how it’s all going to work, just leave them in the comments.

See you Thursday!

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I will share a not so funny story to share about my strong willed child.

My little Pooh girl was a handful from day 1.  She came out of the womb screaming and has yet to shut up.  She crawled at four months, walked at eight months, and could full-out run by the time she was a year old.  This presented numerous problems for my wife that were compounded by her do-as-I-please attitude.

For years we worked with her and tried to contain her wild-streak.  At our wits end with this strong-willed child, we attended a child raising seminar led by an Amish couple (can’t remember the name).

The seminar was mostly dull, but one comment caught my attention.  “At some point with a strong-willed child, you will have a battle.  And whoever wins that battle, wins the war.”

It proved prophetic. Within two weeks, it all went down.  After punching an older sibling in the back, I attempted to explain to her why its wrong to hit, how we need to respect others, and you know the rest.  I requested that she apologize after my lengthy dissertation on ethics and godly behaviour.  Her answer, “no.”

After more discussion and explanation, and repeated requests for an apology for the punch, all I got was a string of “no” and “no” and “NOOOOOOO!!!!”

So it was time for the wooden spoon.  We are spankers.  I will not go into the arguments for or against that right now, other than the bible says, “though you beat your son with a rod, surely, he will not die.” The “spare the rod, spoil the child” comment is from Poor Richards Almanac, although its often quoted as from the bible. 

Back to the spoon.  A short smack on the hiney, and another request for an apology was met with, “no, I’m not sorry and I won’t say it.” To shorten this painfully long story a bit, this went on for almost 40 minutes.

I told her I loved her, and that I just wanted her to apologize to the sibling.  At some point, she finally gave in, and said in her typical drama queen fashion, “I’m sorry, I’m sooooo soorrrryyyy!!!” She then dove into my arms and we both just stood there and cried.  She was crying, I was crying, my chicken wife was in the kitchen crying and praying it would all come to an end. 

It was the most gut-wrenching event for many years.  But she came out of that day being changed forever.  She was a much more pleasant child, was respectful to her siblings (most of the time) and was generally just easier to deal with and more quick to obey. 

Tough love is tough to do!!

She was 4 then, and is 20 now.  Her unending energy led her to be a soccer star until high school. She was a National Honor Society Member and all around good kid.  But I always think back about that 40 minutes of hell and how her life, and our life could have been much different.

deemus,

Wow.  Wow.  And may I just say, wow.

I am a young-ish mom with just one 18 month daughter at home.  My Little One does not sound quite as strong-willed as the one you described, but she is starting to show signs of defiance. 

When should discipline begin?  Any suggestions are welcome!

My wife and I have an eight month old who is completely nuts. I’ll wait until Thursday to share the gory details, but it suffices to say that the “discipline stage” has begun. For eight months now, we have been on survival mode...just trying to make it to the next day. Our son has always been opinionated, but a few weeks ago he was openly defiant. My wife and I just looked at each other and thought, “oh no, now the parenting begins.”

Psalm 8410:  Having survived raising 7 kids, I would have to say that with discipline, that earlier is better.  Obviously, you have to deal with an 18 month old differently, but the “no” has to sink in with them.

Having observed my sisters’ kids with little to no discipline, I think I did the right thing most of the time.  They did as they pleased, had time outs rarely and are amazingly messed up people.  They had no boundaries.

In spite of all the manuals, most don’t fit every situation. 

My oldest was an angel.  No problems to this day (24 years old now).  If Pooh would have been our first, she would have been an only child.  You just have to adjust, and use what works.  After age 8 my second wanted the spanking, so we grounded her, which was the worst for her.  You have to be flexible and do it all prayerfully.

If I have learned one thing through these 24 years of parenting, its that kids need to know thier boundries.  They have to know where that line is. 

It provides them with a sense of security, and an expectation.  They have to learn that when they cross the line, there is a consequence.  Some have told me that is “limiting thier thinking”, but I have found it to be very liberating for them emotionally. 

My kids are very secure people that other kids are drawn to without knowing why.

I have some very strong opinions on the emotional effects of security and discipline, but this is not the time or place.

great story, and advice!
the amish couple was probably mike & debbie pearl,
they have a ministry called “no greater joy”
worth checking out.

That is in fact them.  They did a seminar here in the Dallas area 16 or 17 years ago.

Good stuff.

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