I Don’t Want To Be A Sucker…

Posted on 12.10.06 in Faith and there are 13 comments.

...but I don’t want to be selfish either.

So I’m sitting in Panera bread and a guy walks into our little back corner where some college girls are studying and a businessman is working. The guy apologizes for bothering us and then tells us that he and his wife ran out of gas on the corner of X and X and he just needs a couple bucks for gas.

I’m skeptical.

Frankly, here in Waco, we get approached by that line a lot...I generally assume it’s not true.

But what do I do about it?

Do I keep my money because he’s probably not going to use it for the betterment of his well being? If I give him the money am I just hurting him because I’m helping to perpetuate any self destructive habits he may have?

Do I give him my money because he obviously has less than I do and trust God that He’ll take care of what he does with the money? My response is the only thing that I can control so isn’t it best to just “give away cloak and tunic and go the extra mile”?

Honestly, I don’t know what to do.

What would you do?

The Comments:

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Great question to raise.  I’m looking for thoughts from others as well.  I believe that there are many ways to help people, and I while I love to give and help people, I do not do this directly on the street or in a restaurant.  If he were homeless, I would bring direct him to a soup kitchen, etc.  They are able to get them help more effectively.  In the case where they are just in need of “a couple dollars for gas,” would definitly consider it, but I would be inclined to direct them to an ATM.  I had this happen to me once, except it was a man driving next to me in a nice SUV.  Anyone will take money if it is given directly to them, so I also believe is small micro loans.  For example: http://news.nationalgeographic.com/news/2006/10/061013-nobel-peace.html

-Andy

me and d have talked about this before, and I’m not sure we have a solid answer either. I know the Lord calls us to be generous with our material posessions, but He certainly also calls us to be wise with what He has given us. Being a male, I might be in a different position than you. In m.school, if someone asked for gas with their car, we would go with them to get gas and take it to their car, or go buy them the meal they were “asking” for. I know this is not especially realistic, or safe, but it was good in m.school. Wow, I totally did not answer the question. I think it just depends on the situation, and the “vibe”, or whatever, I get from it. Sometimes I will direct them to the nearest church, since they usually are more used to investigating the constant barrage of petitions for money. And, I don’t feel bad for doing this because I am frequently contributing to the church, and, indirectly, them. Well, on that note, I hope you have a great evening, and I look forward to hearing others’ wisdom on this. hello to everyone.

My pastor gets this sometimes. Usually, he just goes with them and pumps the gas himself. You’d have to feel pretty safe about going though.

I can’t believe these guys haven’t come up with a different story after all these years. In the late 80’s, I lived in Bryan, Texas, and there was a guy that would actually come and knock on our door about once a week, with that exact same story.

The first time, I told him I was sorry, but I just didn’t have any money. And it was true, I was literally broke and quite poor myself. But after a while of seeing the same few guys coming back with slight variations on the same story, you come to realize that it’s a scam.

Suppose for a moment that you are watching something unfold in front of you, and you are an unaffected bystander. A group of youths whispering in the shadows plans a scam, fakes one of them being injured, and deliberately bilks naive old folks in the neighborhood out of money through trickery, then are laughing about it later on. Would you be thinking “Well, they’re just poor kids on the street, at least the old people helped them earn some money”? I think not.

So it’s my opinion that this situation is also a scam of sorts, a scheme by clever people trying to “work the system” as it were, even if “the system” in this case is the kindness that they know people want to exhibit to strangers. The street smart people would call it “being played”, and you’re the stooge.

I know there’s a very real risk, as Americans who have plenty and really do want to serve the Lord and be obedient, that we can go too far either way on this one. We don’t want to become calloused to genuine needs, and find ourselves using excuses why we couldn’t help this time. But if the person who is in need of help can’t just say “I’m homeless and penniless, would you please help me out?”, but instead tries to use a scam to play on your emotions, then there’s already something wrong with the situation, and I don’t think the Lord has called us to be stooges and targets of scams.

I would agree with the approaches offered by others—first and foremost, give generously to an accountable organization like your church, and then direct people with needs to that location. Or if a person claims to need food, and the situation permits (which it often may not anyway), go with them to buy food, or in this case gas. You might be surprised how often that puts them off, because that’s not really what they want anyway.

I was visiting a friend at Baylor in 1985 and we were approached by a homeless guy in a public park there (near a bridge and the river, not too far from the campus) and we told him to please wait there, we’d be right back with food (we were honestly broke, but had food at my friend’s apartment). But when we returned with freshly made sandwiches and chips, we were actually disappointed that we couldn’t find the guy anywhere. I hate to say it, but he had probably found somebody else at the park who gave him money, and he was already on his way to the liquor store before we could get back—and it was only a few minutes we were gone.

I’ve seen this several times, and Waco appears to be a prime target with all of its naive, compassionate, Jesus-loving Baylor students.

I was taken a few times by this as a freshman, but even now as I am wise to the scam, I still usually give them money if I can.

Why?  Because I will never have a better opportunity to witness to someone so needing of it. I mean, geez, these guys come right up to you.  How convenient is that?

Everything I give them, I tell them it’s in the name of Jesus Christ.  That He changed my life, and He wants to change their lives, too.  Some of these guys will listen to the whole Gospel with you.  Their motivation for listening (money) is poor, but does that matter?

Sometimes I’ll even tell them I know it’s a scam, and then give them money anyway.  Does that blow their minds?

Here are some of my experiences with beggars/scammers:

Baylor campus, man on bike, car broke down (Why was he on a bike?  How stupid did he think I was?)

Waco apartment near Baylor.  Man’s work truck was in an accident, he was from San Antonio, and he was trying to get back to his family.  We fed him a sandwich and he played some praise songs with us on guitar.  He came back late that night asking for enough money for a bus ticket.  This guy was either telling the truth or extremely slick to do the whole guitar bit.

Waco apartment near Baylor and my house in North Texas about a month ago.  Teens and young adults selling magazines.  If they win the contest for most sold, they get a thousand dollars, or a trip to Vegas, or ...  Some part of this operation has to be a scam.  The sellers are scammers, or they are being scammed by some really bad companies.  The sellers claim that the company picked them up out of the inner city (Detroit is a popular choice), took them on a “leadership” trip, put them up in a nice hotel, and are teaching them communication skills.  I tell them they could make more money working at Taco Bell.  I don’t buy the magazines, but still usually give them money.

Taco Bell across from BU.  Man totally stoned out of his mind in the bench behind us.  I gave him my bean burrito and taxi fare (directly to the cab driver) to his home.

There are more, but I’ll leave it at that.

We have often gone to the store and bought meal packs (Tuna, Crackers, Mayo) to give away to people who approach us, or who are on the corners begging for food.  It doesn’t cost us much and it fills the need that they’re asking for.

A couple of weeks ago, we were downtown with the Salvation Army doing a toy drive for kids before a Colts game.  We were meeting some people from work for dinner, which my boss was paying for, prior to the event.  Before I left the car, I put my purse into the trunk and closed it holding only my keys.  After a thought, I reopened the trunk and took some cash (I didn’t count it, just grabbed some) out of my wallet.  I put the cash and the car keys in my pocket.  On the way to dinner, as we were walking through the hotel where the restaurant was located, we were approached by a well dressed man.  He had his wallet out, along with a bank card.  He told us that his wife’s grandmother had passed away and they were on their way to be with her family.  Their battery went dead and they only had $29 (he showed it to me) of the $42 needed to pay for a new battery, as the old one was shot.  He had deposited his paycheck the day before, but the funds wouldn’t be available until Monday.  He needed $13.  I pulled the cash out of my pocket...and guess how much I had.  Yep, $13.  I gave it to him and he wanted to know how he could reach us to pay us back.  I told him the not to worry about, that it was a gift, and I would be praying for his family.  We prayed with him and he was in tears when he left us.  So was I.  As we walked away, my 15-year-old said, “Mom, I know why you had just enough money in your pocket.” And I just smiled.

The wife and I, for years, had committed to go to a fast-food place and get a meal for anyone we passed with a “hungry” sign.  It just never seemed to work out.  We also tried to keep a couple of goodie bags in the car (canned meat, crackers, bottle of water, etc.) but those would run out and not get replaced.  Earlier this year Mrs. Euphrony decided this, and I agree: I don’t care what they go and use it for, my responsibility is to give.  College Station was much like Waco has been described here, and I saw my fair share of scamers and got jadded.  But what we have decided is that, like the sower who scatters seed in good soil, rocky soil, etc. we are to scatter the seed.  It is not my job to decide this person’s intentions - that is God’s to judge - but my task is to serve and to show love.

So that’s what we do, and why.

I think that’s the way I’m leaning, Euphrony. My dad often kept McDonald’s Gift certificates in the car and would pass those out. I might try that. Perhaps I’ll get HEB gift certificates so that they can buy gas too. Or maybe I’ll put together packs like Ryan suggested…

Once, I was approached by a man in a parking lot (during the day) as I was putting my girls in the car. Quite honestly, I just told him to find a man who might help him and I put my girls in the car and drove off. Being a woman, I think there’s also a safety issue that makes it hard to respond like I’d really want to.

By the way, great story Cristy!

Hi.  You don’t know me, but I read your blog sometimes (I followed the link from Jon’s blog at http://www.jonathanmccarthy.com).  My husband and I have had this conversation several times.  I would rather be the fool that gave away my money than the one who withheld from someone in need.  I’m accountable for how I treat others, not how others treat me.  That’s my opinion, for what it’s worth.

Stephanie

I would rather be the fool that gave away my money than the one who withheld from someone in need.  I’m accountable for how I treat others, not how others treat me.

BAM! What a succinct and on target comment. I’m so glad you took the time to stop by and share your thoughts, Stephanie.

Frankly, I find that last line quite convicting. As much as I hate it, my pride enters into the equation more that I’d like to admit. I don’t like to be taken advantage of and I don’t like people to think they’ve taken advantage of me.

But you know each of those people is desperately loved by the living God and, really, who am I to do anything but everything I can to make sure they know that He is real and He cares?

I love the story of Peter when a beggar asked for money and he said, “Silver or gold I have none, but in the name of Jesus Christ rise up and walk.” Wow. How powerful.

I dream of having the faith and courage to say, “Here’s what I have but God has so much more for you. How can I pray for you, right her and now?” To step outside my comfort zone and not just give away my money, but a bit of my pride and a lot of my love...that’s what I want.

There’s so much of me in the way, though. Maybe that’s why I’ve had so many people come up to me. Maybe God’s giving me plenty of opportunities to grow. Maybe I’d be getting more that I’d be giving…

I never carry cash, so it makes it harder for me to give… I think the gift certificate idea is great though…

Thanks for stopping by.  Your question got me thinking - I wrote about it this morning, if you’re interested in reading more of my response.  http://www.thegreenlife05.blogspot.com.

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