How To Overcome Fear

Posted on 02.10.09 in Faith and there are

photo by jpprata_oz

Fear has been on my mind a lot lately.

There has been a deluge of prayer requests for some really heart breaking situations. A mother of three with cancer. Parents losing their baby girl to cancer less than a month after her diagnosis. A mother and son left alone after a traffic accident.

These are my worst nightmares and reading about them caused fear to creep into my heart.

But last year I faced my those fears head on. And won. This is a post I wrote after a cancer scare I had in the Fall of 2007:

My Story

Some of you may remember that I had a bit of a cancer scare a few months ago.

Today I went in for a test to make sure that the procedure they did was effective (which it is 90% of the time).

I now have three weeks to wait for test results. Frankly, I think I’ll thoroughly enjoy these three weeks. It’s an invigorating reminder of what’s important, what matters and what is eternal.

I admit that when I had the initial scare, I was pretty freaked out about it. The period of time I had to wait between having that first test done and getting the results was utterly nerve wracking.

I remember playing with my kids or hanging out with friends and, in the midst of conversation and laughter, a weight would fall on me. I’d try to maintain my smile while my mind would take me down every conceivable road that the test results could lead.

I didn’t sleep very well the night before the doctor was supposed to call and I jumped a bit every time my phone rang that day.

Heaviness and dread spent a lot of time with me for those five days.

I can be fearful. Fearful for my husband when he travels. Fearful for my kids when they are sick or trying new things. Fearful for myself. Honestly, I’ve always been afraid of dying young - because my mother did and an irrational part of me feared that meant that I would too.

When The Fear Died

But at some point between that first test and this one, I realized that fear is a product of vanity. When my hopes and my dreams are my ultimate goal, I am full of fear, because there is so much I can’t control.

But when I close my eyes, open my arms and say, “God, whatever brings you the most glory, that’s what I want.” There isn’t any fear.

I don’t know what day it was when I had that turning point, but it’s been amazing ever since. Truly amazing.

Yes, I still worry about little things like, “Are my kids climbing too high in that tree?” or “Should I tell them not to ride their bikes so fast?”

But the dread of those worst case scenarios is gone. Literally. Gone.

I’m not saying that if my test results come back abnormal that I’ll be thrilled. But whatever the outcome, I can honestly say that I want whatever brings Him the most glory.

Because where His glory is, people find freedom and people find hope. And that’s what I want my life to be about.

For You

I know a lot of us struggle with fear, but really want to encourage you that it doesn’t have to win.

There’s an old saying that I love. It goes something like this:

Fear knocked at the door. Love answered. No one was there.

Do you struggle with fear? How can we be praying for you?

(If you’re reading this, whether fear is an issue you deal with or not, please take just 5 minutes to pray for those who share in the comments. Thanks!)

(This post is part of WFMW.)

The Comments:

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You are right, perfect love does cast out all fear!  Thanks for the tangible example of that. I just prayed for you and my family will pray for you tomorrow at our mealtime prayer.

I also had a cancer scare 4 years ago, when my firstborn was 1 year old.  It took a couple years to be sure, but I am in the clear now.  I can totally and completely relate to what you said about the fear leaving as an unexpected blessing of a cancer diagnosis.  I no longer fear what will happen tomorrow—death of someone close to me, my home being broken into, my husband losing his job, etc., etc., because I know that God will be with me and His will is good!

Fear and wantig control are very major parts of my life that I try to keep as hidden as possible. I know worry and stress is not what God wants for me, but I sometimes don’t know how to surrender and let God take it all away. I am afraid of what will happen in my future or if I will or won’t accomplish everything I want to. I guess some of my problem is MY goals and desires, but I am afraid I’ll miss out on what is intended if I just sit back and relax.

Kat, I really, really needed this tonight.

Thank you.

Thank you, this was beautiful. As a fellow control freak I sometimes feel as though I am not doing my job if I don’t worry. I know that fear is the antithesis of faith but it always helps to be reminded. The quote you love is indeed lovely, I will copy it down. Saying a prayer that your results will continue to be OK.

Thank you Kat - what a beautiful and timely post.  Every single day for the last two weeks there comes a moment when I beg Him for His help and guidance.  Unfortunately I still have to learn to turn it all over every single day before I become distressed, but I truly believe that only when I finally break down can I begin to deal with the pain, trauma and conflicts of the day.

Thank you

Man Kat, this is very timely. I will be getting my test results for a prostate biopsy on Monday (2/16). I hadn’t really thought or worried too much about the results until yesterday. It just came to my mind, if your test results come back positive - how are going to handle that? Are you going to freak out and be fear ridden? Are you going to crumble in to a depressed, self pitying mess? Or, are you going to be a shining example of faith and courage you hear and read about?  I’m not too sure, but I’m hoping and praying it’ll be much more of the latter. Whatever happens I know He is in control and I think I’ll borrow your line “God, whatever brings you the most glory, that’s what I want.” Thanks Kat!

I’m afraid of being a single mom, and I’m afraid of being alone. Love conquers fear. I know that, but I need to be reminded sometimes. Thanks Kat.

Dave,
You’re welcome and thank you

It Feels Like Chaos,
Wow, I’m glad yours turned out all clear too! It sure does help us see what’s important doesn’t it?

Heather,
For me, it wasn’t so much my choice to surrender as it was a process of wanting Him more. I don’t think it’s about trying to let go of control or fear but rather having those fears dim in comparison to His love.

Thanks for sharing. I’ll be praying for you!

Marla,
You’re welcome, friend. Your words have had a huge impact on my life, I’m thankful to return the favor in a small way.

Kirsty,
Thanks for your kind words and your prayers. I’ll be praying that you’ll know unfathomable peace…

Beachmom,
I’m glad my experience was an encouragement to you. I’ll be praying that you’ll be able to consistently trade in your pain and stress for His joy, hope and peace.

reDew,
I know exactly how your feeling. Looks like you learned the important lesson sooner than I did. I’ll be praying for good results. Keep us updated, ok?

Lori,
I think of you and pray for you often. May the God of all comfort surround you and support you.

Thank you for this post. Since having my first child a little over a year ago, I have experienced a new kind of fear that I didn’t know existed. Fear of flying is at the top of my list. As is a fear of something (like sickness) happening to my son. I know Satan attacks us mothers in this way and I try to keep my focus on the Lord when I feel the fear creeping in. It is still a daily struggle and I long for the day that I can say that my fears about these things are totally gone. Thank you for your insight on this topic. Thank you for pointing us back to the Lord. He is the One we should focus on. Nothing else.

Kat,

This is completely what I needed to read about. It is perhaps my biggest struggle. I’m supposed to fly to the Dominican Republic in 2.5 weeks for the current book I’m writing, hang out with missionaries for 6 days and come back home. I’m LEAVING my 15 month old who I’ve been with 24/7 since day one. I’m LEAVING my husband who is the BIGGEST gift from God in my life and was in on the next BIGGEST gift from God - our son. I’m terrified of plane crashes, dying young, and missing out on time with my incredible family. AND that’s been in the news - the crash in NY, the crash in London, and I’m not sure I want to board that plane in a few weeks. I know the sense of safety if a false reality and if God wants me, He’ll take me. But that doesn’t ease my stress or decision making. As far as the book goes, I want to use fiction to highlight problems down there and know that by going, I will be able to make those come to life better than just through interviews, books, and blogs… Ultimately, I hope it brings glory to God.

Please, anyone who reads this - PLEASE pray for my peace, wisdom, and strength to make the right decision either way. And to by the Grace of God overcome fear that is most definitely not of Him.

Wow, very timely post. I’m moved by everyone’s comments. I struggled with fear for a long time. I didn’t get on a plane for 10 years until I decided to meet it head on a few years ago (I, too, developed a fear of flying after having children). I’ve also struggled with the fear of losing my husband, who survived a massive heart attack in ‘99 (a widow-maker) & a quadruple bypass. He’s in great physical shape, but his heart problems are hereditary, so there’s not much comfort in that (his father & brother both died young). He had his first attack in ‘91 when my firstborn was one month old.

My “baby” just got his driver’s license, so now both of my teens are driving, and I just realized that lately I’ve let fear creep back in. When they both drive off, I feel like someone’s punched me in the stomach. Also, I’m planning to take my daughter on a college visit to OK in a few weeks and a spring break trip to NYC in April. Now, after the recent plane crashes, I’m feeling that old fear of flying creep back in, too.  This must stop and your post has reminded me of the peace I have when I trust God with the details of my life (and my husband’s and my kids’)and His love for me. I’m going to pray for you all here and ask Him to help me want Him more (like you said).

I remember my husband saying, when he was being wheeled into surgery for an emergency angioplasty and his situation was bleak, “It’s a win-win.” He had such peace. And I remember God’s peace & presence just overwhelming me.

Kat, I’ll remember what you said and add “It’s a win-win.” Thank you for sharing and letting us share. I needed to be reminded. (and sorry I rambled!)

So true!  “Fear is a product of vanity.” It is something that every human being has to deal with and overcome at some point(s) in their life.

I had a mild cancer scare at my last annual, but the mammogram said I was ok.  Now, I am a bit fearful about scheduling that next annual (due now).  Your words hear have been a great encouragement. 

Thank you so much.

Hope that all is well...best of luck and Giga-blessings…

An update… I fly out Tuesday Mar 3 and back home Sun Mar 8th.

Diane in L.A. - your post was very moving and convicting as well. Thanks for sharing.

Kat - Thanks for sharing what was for me a very timely topic, and what I consider a God post it.

I appreciate prayers for safe travels and God’s direction.

Thanks and blessings.

Thank you very much. You comment is sort of liberating. I’ve been living in fear sever ince my teenage son got his moped and my best friend is dealing with cancer (she’s by the way dealing with her cancer better than what I’m dealing with my fears). It is maybe true that when the student is ready the teacher appears. So I’ll delve deeply into what you said whenever fear strikes again. Thank you. And thank you all for the shared thoughts.
Giovanna (Itay)

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