Because I Didn’t Go To Mommy University

Posted on 07.12.07 in Pictures Parenthood and there are 10 comments.

I spent around $60,000 on my college degree.

(Wow. That sounds even worse when I say it out loud...)

A $60,000 education and what do I do all day?

I put food into three small people and clean up what comes out.

I should have gone to Mommy University instead of Baylor University. I mean, I’m shaping the future leaders of our nation and I have ZERO training.

The carhops at Sonic are given more training regarding the proper delivery of burgers and shakes than I have been given regarding the proper raising of children.

So, I’m doing some on the job training right now and I’d love your help.

• What are some parenting resources you’d recommend? Books, websites, blogs, videos etc.
• For you parents out there, what is your best bit of parenting advice?

Thanks for your help. My kids appreciate it.

The Comments:

Skip to comment form

Hey Kat, the Love & Logic stuff is always a good place to start.  IM me some time and let me know a little more about what you’re looking for.  I’ll see what I can hook you up with.  But yeah, parenting is a tough gig, sometimes the toughest of all.  These kids just don’t come with instruction manuals.

I agree about the Love and Logic resources.  They have some great books, tapes, etc.  I got on their email list, and they send some emails out occasionally with great ideas (and some funny stories too).  Go to http://www.loveandlogic.com to find out more.

One thing we enjoy that you probably do as well is going to the library.  I go online and have the library hold books and DVDs that I want so that I don’t have to search while we’re there.  Then I can just let the kids look around and play, and I still get the books I want. 

Best advice for me was from my Granny:
“This too shall pass.”

One website we love (and by “we” I mean Lil’E and us) is StarFall.  It helps with reading while also being fun for the kids.  I also kind of like if from NIH, of all people, for the NIEHS Kids Pages.  They have games, puzzles, jokes, music (midi files of many classic kids songs, with lyrics), on-line coloring, etc.

For some good kids music that you would enjoy listening to (rather than the Dora theme), try a group called GoFish.  This trio sings acapella (with drums, so not true acapella) and have some good music.  They have a virtual CD with five songs from different albums, and three can be downloaded for free.  Check ‘em out; you’ll probably like them.

Well...I haven’t read a parenting book in some time and my youngest, unfortunately, listens mostly to “big people” music.  So I have nothing for you there!

But...what I keep thinking of to tell you is that the absolute best resource for me has been other parents.  Parents whose children are ahead of mine - so they’ve been where I am living already.  Their stories, their humor and their advice has been the most helpful and uplifting for me.

And date night - don’t forget date night is important for your kids, too!

Honestly, the Bible is one of your best resources. I know you know that, but its amazing what we can learn, and recieve from the Bible--it has life.
One of my favorite “mommy” books is called “Mom...and loving it” written by two sisters. (Here is there website: http://www.2moms.org/) I just love their outlook on motherhood. If you remember, they came and did a conference at our church.

Also, Joel and I have this simple analogy about life we adapted from training school. It has been life changing for us. Consider yourself a tank, kind of like a gas tank. You need fuel to keep it running. This tank naturally gets drained. (By life: family, kids, work, shores, leading a lifegroup, bills, friends) When it gets close to empty, it sputters-and needs some refueling. When a gas tank is empty- its empty- not useful until it gets filled again. Well thats how we as people are. We must know what fills us, and what drains us and we need to make sure we dont get empty, or try to run on empty. I am a good wife and mommy when I have some fuel in my tank. Bad things happen when I get too low. (Things that fill me: sleep, quiet time, coffee, downtime with the kids, snuggling with hubby, baking, music, blogging, etc)

Just a bit of encouragement… I have a friend who is trying to adopt a bit older children- 2 and 3 years old.  She is taking classes about what to expect.  She has learned that the brains of orphaned children are literally underdeveloped and look significantly different than those of children that have loving parents.  She said that parents naturally provide things that children need, such as rocking, kind gestures and touch are all apart of it.  She said that if a child hadn’t received those certain things, that they will rock themselves, wet the bed, etc. and have significant learning dissabilities that loved little ones do not have to go through.  So love, love love them… which I can tell you already do well, and naturally! 

As far as resources go I am currently searching also for some really great websites.  I have found a great book on feeding kids healthy, it is Super food for children

I’ll keep looking too!

I have no parenting advice whatsoever, except that the best kids I know have parents who trust them, and the kids respond to that trust.

But I’m really commenting because I also went to Baylor! 

Rick,
I’ve never heard of Love and Logic stuff I’ll have to check it out.

Susanne,
Thanks for the link! That’s a good tip about the library. It certainly will make our trip much more simple.

Euphrony,
Yes, we love Starfall as well! Cool...free songs. I’ll have a listen. Thanks.

Marianne,
You know, I know tons of people in the same stage of life as I am, but very few who have already been through it. I think I need to expand my social circle a bit…

I actually had a date night with The Small Person last night thanks to your suggestion.

the6stricklands,
Yes, that was a great conference. I have and enjoy that book as well.

I do think I need to be better about taking time to refill. This past week, Jimmy got up early with the kids so that I can go to the gym and on the day’s that I was able to go to the gym, I was a MUCH better mommy than on the two days that I didn’t go.

Kristin,
Wow. That’s so interesting...and sad. My heart breaks for orphans.

I’ll have to check out that site. It sounds right up my alley.

Texas in Africa,
That’s actually GREAT advice.

You’re not related to Jen Seay are you? When did you graduate?

So, what did you think of GoFish?  Better than d-d-d-d-d-Dora?

My all time favorite “Mommy” books are: 
Sink Reflections by Marla Cilley,
The Power of Mother Love by Brenda Hunter, The Power of a Praying Parent by Stormie Omartian,
The Path by Laurie Beth Jones and by all means check out this website...http://www.titus2.com/ecommerce/products/prod_listing.php/1150?review=1

It’s the absolute BEST chore system I’ve found.  I have four kids (11, 8, 7 and 4) and they’ve all been doing chores since they were old enough to follow directions.  Well before they were potty trained and I honestly think having the expectation of chores got them potty trained faster than they would have been otherwise.

I’m not sure how old your kids are, but here’s my tried and true potty training book...http://www.pottytrainingconcepts.com/Potty-Training-in-One-Day/Toilet-Training-in-Less-Than-a-Day.htm
Potty Training in Less than a Day!  Worked for all four of my kids (2 boys and 2 girls)!

OK, on to real advice…

1.  Your kids don’t need to know every detail of your life before Motherhood.  This is especially important when you have a tweener in the house.
2.  Remember that you are raising someone else’s husband/wife.  Set the rules for mannners, chores, accountability, respect, honesty, etc. and stick to them without fail!  Your children will respect you even when it seems they can’t stand you.
3.  Trust your instincts.  Don’t let others sway you on what you want for your family or your children.  Weather it’s the preschool you love, the soccer coach you just don’t like or the teacher who seems just a bit off but everyone else just loves.  Trust yourself.
4.  Practice letting go a little at a time.
5.  Remember who you are and find something that you are passionate about to stay involved in.  You’ll thank me when your youngest child turns 12.
6.  Have a regular Date Night with the hubby.  Even if you just sit at Barns and Noble reading magazines and drinking coffee.
7.  Have a regular “Family Night”.  My kids so look forward to family night.  We rent movies, go swimming or play basketball at the YMCA, bowl, play board games, etc.  The two youngest are paired with the two older kids so that everyone learns to play.  Great way to teach teamwork, cooperation, etc.
8.  Eat dinner together every single night...even as they get older.
9.  Pray together every single night.  There are great age appropriate devotionals out there for boys and girls, tweens and teens.  It’s a great way to stay connected with your child and to keep the lines of communication flowing.
10.  Oh, my favorite.  My 11 year old daughter and I have a “shared journal” where we write back and forth to one another about silly stuff, serious stuff and sometimes even draw pictures.  It’s been a great way for her to talk to me about things that she might not feel comfortable talking about face to face.
11.  Love notes...in the lunch boxes.  I love to do this.  I buy themed napkins and write a note or short bible verse each day.  Oct is Autumn (we don’t do Halloween), Nov is Thanksgiving, Dec is Christmas, Feb is Valentines, April is Easter, etc.  Sometimes I find themed ziploc baggies for their sandwiches too.  It’s just a little something special they get each day.
12.  Find a mom who has kids about 3 - 5 years older than yours to mentor you.  You won’t regret it.  My oldest is in 6th grade and I have intentionally sought out a mother who has high school aged children.  I can talk to her about preparing my daughter for college, what’s important what’s not, social stuff, her take on dating, boys, “mean” girl stuff, when is it appropriate to wear make up, etc.  I’m 40 so things have changed a bit since I was in school.  It’s always nice to have someone who’s been there done that to say, “Hey, you’re being a bit unreasonable.” or “If you do that...it could lead to this!” Obviously, you should use your own best judgement and talk with your husband but it’s nice to have a sounding board.  If nothing else, someone who knows the ins and outs of your public school system, local activities for kids, babysitters, etc.  Two years ago I had a babysitter that we loved.  We’d interviewed her, met her parents, talked to her volleyball coach, etc.  She came from a good Christian family.  Well, the following year she started getting into trouble, hanging out with some shady boy, etc.  Her parents never shared this with us, but I found out from a neighbor that this girl was not the same girl we’d met a year prior.  She’d been suspended from school and was having a lot of problems getting along with her parents at home.  Needless to say, she was no longer a good match for my family.

I suppose that’s enough rambling from a stranger… Good luck with your Mothering!

Share Your Comments:

Name:

Email:

URL (optional):

Smileys

Remember me.

Notify me of follow-up comments?

Submit the word you see below:

My Twitter Posts