5 Steps to Disciplining Your Children

Posted on 09.30.07 in Family Parenthood and there are 6 comments.

I was at a conference at our church recently and one of the speakers gave this excellent advice on correcting children. I thought I’d pass it along for all you parents out there.

The 5 Steps

1. Put value in them
Before you discipline your child, remind them that you love them and that they are important to you.

2. Affirm them
Let them know that you trust that they’re are trying to do the right thing or that their heart is in the right place.

3.Correct
To correct means to set straight or to make right. It’s important to remember that correction doesn’t have to mean punishment. It just means teaching them how to do right what they’ve just done wrong.

4. Be Positive
Don’t shame them, make them feel unvaluable or reject them.

5. Pray
Finally, and most importantly, pray for your child after you discipline them. I’ve found that even if one of my children is being very disobedient or disrespectful, nothing melts them like a good hug and a loving prayer.

An Example Scenario

So, let’s say one of my kids hits her sister (never happens, of course). Here’s how this would look:

Me: Sweetie, I love you so much and I know you love your sister and you like to play with her, but hitting is not ok and she didn’t like that. If you’re upset you need to use words.

Repeat after me - “I won’t hit my sister. I will use words.” (I often make them repeat things 5-10 times out loud and using their fingers to count as they go. They think it’s really fun and it seems to get the idea across to them.)

Then I’ll pray with them something like, “Thank you God for my sweet little girl. I’m so glad she’s such good friends with her sister and I pray you’d help her to use words when she’s upset instead of hitting. I’m so proud of who she is and everything that she’s learning. Amen.”

Of course, it’s not always this perfect, but it’s what I aim for when my kids need correction.

Your Advice

I know that there are many parents who read this blog. Do you have any suggestions or tips on how to effectively correct children?

The Comments:

Skip to comment form

Those are great guidlelines. I like how you said theres no need for Disclipine everytime you correct-thats so true.
All day long, our children are making choices. Some are good and some are bad, I try to not mark my children as a bad boy or a bad girl.

A staple in our house is to obey “Quickly, Cheerfully, and Completely” There are consequences when those three rules arent followed. Also, we always go by these guidelines: Respect others with your words, actions, and attitude.

Lastly, we try to go to the Word, when in need of correction or help. We never end up empty handed. Gods Ten Commandements are most visited, or back to Jesus instructions in Matthew to love your neighbor as yourself.

Of course, we’re not perfect parents, I often (flinching) ask my children what can mommy be doing better. Receiving correction shouldnt only come from an adult you know!

Our discipline looks a lot like yours.  I think it is SO important to pray with them during/after discipline! 

The only thing I was going to add was mentioned by the6stricklands right above me.  We try to lead the kids to the Bible so they get a foundation of where our values are coming from.  I have my four year old memorize short verses related to whatever issue we are dealing with at the moment.

the6stricklands,
“Respect others with your words, actions, and attitude.”

I like that.

Lisa,
That’s a great idea. I don’t currently do that, but I’m definitely going to start implementing it!

Pretty good stuff, Kat.  Was this something affiliated with Love and Logic?

I am the father of 7 kids (6g-1b), all by the same mom.  We have been married for 25 yrs next week. 

They are all normal kids, no drug addicts, no “ho-bags” as my son says, and all have made a committment to Christ. They range in age from 11 to 24, and are all still at home.  I just can’t seem to get them to leave. lol

I would concur with the 5 steps, and with the 6stricklands, you have to affirm them, but also teach them to be respectful.  We have also tried to instill in them that this world is temporary, and they are here to serve.  My 24 and 22 yr olds teach in the child classes at our church, and the others serve as they can.

If you wish to be great, be the servant of all.

One class my wife and I attended was taught by Menonites.  They had an interesting take. He said with a strong willed child (#3 in our case, after 2 angels) there will be a showdown, and whoever wins that showdown wins forever.  He said “you must win.”

Two days later it happened. Our little pooh-girl bowed-up and it was on. Defiance like I have not seen since. She smacked her sister, then refused to say she was sorry. I believe her exact words were, “I am not sorry!”

We went back and forth for over 45 minutes.  It culminated in her falling into my arms crying, saying “I’m sorry, I’m so sorry!” (Still the drama queen, but a sweet one now)

She came away with a new attitude of respect for her sisters and for her parental units.  She was quick to mind after that and found other ways (read soccer & national honor society here) to channel her aggressions.  She is now 20, and is a workout queen and plays on 3 different soccer teams. 

Sometimes its tough to be tough.  It makes me think about how much God loves us: that he protects us from ourselves sometimes.

Share Your Comments:

Name:

Email:

URL (optional):

Smileys

Remember me.

Notify me of follow-up comments?

Submit the word you see below:

My Twitter Posts