Parent’s University: Third Day’s Mark Lee, Pt. 1

Posted on 09.17.08 in Parents University and there are 6 comments.

The internet is a weird thing. It can bring all kinds of people together, even rock stars and soccer moms.

Somewhere in the course of blogging and twittering I’ve gotten to know Mark Lee, guitarist for the band Third Day. And, can I say, he is the most down to earth “rock star” on the face of the planet. (I can say this because I am, in fact, friends with all rock stars...)

Let me give you an example. I asked him if he’d be willing to participate in Parent’s University about a week before his youngest daughter was born. I didn’t get the interview questions to him before she arrived, so I decided to hold off and not add to his already full plate.

So a few weeks later, he reminds me about doing the interview. First of all, I’m amazed he remembered considering he has a newborn and he’s in the midst of a huge tour with Switchfoot and Jars of Clay. Secondly, when I sent the questions to him and his wife Stephanie, not only did they take the time to answer all of them (even though I told them they only had to answer 6), but they sent their answers back within 24 hours!

I mean....seriously. I’m not Oprah. They did not need to respond so thoroughly or quickly. But they did. And I am so impressed by them.

If you don’t already follow their blogs, check them out here and here. And be sure to follow Mark and Stephanie‘s twitter feeds as well.

Without Further Ado...

1. How do you stay connected with your kids and your wife when your on the road? 

This is probably the hardest part about being in a band.  I keep my cell phone with me and stay as available as I possibly can, but sometimes I end up feeling a disconnect after being gone from home for a few days.  We as a band are very deliberate with our scheduling to make sure that we are home for at least 2-3 days every week.  There’s just no substitute for being there in person.

The upshot of our crazy schedule is that we wind up with long blocks of time where I’m home.  I don’t buy into the whole “quality time” thing.  With family it’s the quantity that matters, IMHO.

2. One night you’re on David Letterman or performing in front of thousands. The next night you’re changing diapers and making Hello Kitty waffles. Is that a tough transition?

I think the main challenge is that we often travel great lengths, literally, to get home.  Sometimes we’re taking redeye flights or getting off a bus at 5 AM.  On those days I have to make a conscious effort to engage with my family.  On an emotional or psychological level it’s probably harder on Stephanie.  She has to act as a single parent for several days in a row and then I come home and things can get off kilter.  Not to mention that I’m a total slob

3. You are a very “hands on” dad. You take Abbie to ballet, have pretend campouts and take her to Disneyland. Some dads have a hard time relating to their little girls, do you have any tips to help them?

I read somewhere that confidence and self worth are traits that girls get from their fathers.  In that spirit, I try to help Abbie explore new things and take whatever she’s interested in and expand on that.  She’s quite the little adventurer!  I’ll admit it can be a little tough getting into crafts and “playing pretend”, but a little effort seems to go a long way with kids.

4. You have a busy recording / touring schedule and your wife runs a successful store AND you have a two small children. How do you work together as a “team” to manage it all?

I like that you chose the word “team”.  That’s really the mentality you have to have. Stephanie flies solo when I’m out doing shows or in the studio, and then I come home and do the Mr. Mom thing so she can do errands or get things done at the store.  And we both play to our strengths:  Stephanie is much better at picking out Abbie’s school clothes and preparing her food, so she’ll lay all that out the night before.  I’m a little more of a morning person so I’ll get up and take Abbie to school when I’m home.

5. Has the transition from 1 child to 2 been harder or easier than you anticipated? Why?

It’s funny - going from 1 to 2 has been about the same difficulty as going from no kids to one kid was, but for completely different reasons.  When Abbie was a baby, we had to get used to the late night feedings, the lack of sleep, and being totally responsible for this other person at all times.  Now that we have two, the challenge is that our attention gets divided between the two kids.  We’ve had to be careful to not make Abbie feel like she’s “in trouble” when we’re frustrated about something with Katherine.

6. Do you have an embarrassing dad story you’d be willing to share?

The first day we took Katherine out, we went to eat lunch with Steph’s family.  I parked the car and walked inside to our table.  Everybody had this strange expression on their faces.  I had forgotten the baby!  I RAN out to the car and carried her back in, but forgot that you’re supposed to keep the baby in her little carrier thingy.  Went back and got the carrier thingy, then realized I hadn’t gotten her diaper bag.  I had totally forgotten that babies come with all these little “accessories”.  I felt like such a rookie.

To Be Continued...

Be sure t check back tomorrow for the second half of the interview! (Update: Here’s the link the Part 2)

Parent’s University: Class Social

Posted on 08.13.08 in Parents University and there are 23 comments.

Welcome to another installment of Parent’s University. This week I thought we’d take a minute to get to know each other. There are two ways to participate.

The Questions

In the comments tell us:
1. Your name or pseudonym
2. Ages of children
3. (OPTIONAL) Recommend 1 parenting resource

The Poll

For those of you who don’t like to comment, I’ve made it REALLY easy to participate. All you need to do is click. Simple.

Parenting is..

Easier than I thought it would be.

Harder than I thought it would be.

Waaaay harder than I thought it would be.

I'm not a parent yet and you're scaring me.

Parent’s University: Don’t Forget You’re Married

Posted on 07.23.08 in Marriage Parenthood Parents University and there are 17 comments.

Welcome to another installment of Parent’s University. Feel free to join in. Just write a helpful post about parenting and add your link below (at the end of the post).

(Also, I have a great giveaway this week...more on that in a bit.)

Don’t Forget You’re Married

Sometimes in this crazy thing called parenthood, it’s easy to let our marriages fall down on the priority list.

We’re busy with the kids. We’re busy with work. We’re busy with life.

But it’s vital to us and to our kids that we keep our marriages thriving. Here are some things that have helped Jimmy and I stay connected and at times, reconnect:

1. Talk, Talk, Talk
Or email. Or text. Just communicate - often.

2. Have Fun Together Everyday
We’re doing the 100 Push Up Challenge (Because we’re weird like that.)

3. Go On Dates
We swap date nights with some friends of ours. We put the kids to bed, my friend comes over and Jimmy and I head out for a fun night on the town. Free babysitting. Oh yeah.

4. Getaway
It took us 6 years to do this, but it was awesome. My brother and his wife watched a few episodes of “John and Kate Plus 8” and then came over and watched our kids PLUS their kids. Jimmy and I went to Austin. We kayaked, ate out, stayed up late, went to bed early and slept in.

It was so great to reconnect on a one on one level - without little people interrupting every other sentence.

The Giveaway: Three Marriage and Family Books

Today, I’m honored to have THREE books to giveaway from author, Marla Taviano.

Not coincidentally, Marla has written....wait for it....THREE books.

They are all geared towards women (sorry guys) but they’d be great gifts for husbands to win for their wives (you’re welcome guys). And, frankly, one of her books, you might really want to win for your wives....or just buy it if you don’t win it…

Seriously.

She’s a great author with some life changing insights for married women and moms. Her writing has really impacted me and I’m happy to have the opportunity to share her books with you.

Sooo....to enter the giveaway, just visit Marla Taviano’s website and pick the book you’d like to win (you can change your selection later if you want to). Write the title in the comments here and voila. You’re entered.

Then be sure to check out Marla’s blog too.

Your Turn

Join in the fun of Parent’s University by writing a post about....yes....parenting and adding your link below.

Parent’s University: 12 Tips From A Wise Mother (Not Me…Obviously.)

Posted on 07.16.08 in Parenthood Parents University and there are 6 comments.

Welcome to another installment of Parent’s University. Feel free to join in. Just write a helpful post about parenting and add your link below (at the end of the post).

Wise Words From Heidi

I was going through my email the other day and somehow happened upon an old blog comment I must have overlooked. After reading it, I’m SO glad I found it. It is a goldmine of ideas and advice on parenting.

The woman who wrote this is Heidi (aka CincySAHM4). She doesn’t have a blog, but I think she needs to start one...I love these ideas. I hope you will too.

12 TIps for Parents

1.  Your kids don’t need to know every detail of your life before Motherhood. This is especially important when you have a tweener in the house.

2.  Remember that you are raising someone else’s husband/wife. Set the rules for mannners, chores, accountability, respect, honesty, etc. and stick to them without fail!  Your children will respect you even when it seems they can’t stand you.

3.  Trust your instincts. Don’t let others sway you on what you want for your family or your children.  Weather it’s the preschool you love, the soccer coach you just don’t like or the teacher who seems just a bit off but everyone else just loves.  Trust yourself.

4.  Practice letting go a little at a time.

5.  Remember who you are. Find something that you are passionate about to stay involved in.  You’ll thank me when your youngest child turns 12.

6.  Have a regular Date Night with the hubby. Even if you just sit at Barnes and Noble reading magazines and drinking coffee.

7.  Have a regular “Family Night.” My kids so look forward to family night.  We rent movies, go swimming or play basketball at the YMCA, bowl, play board games, etc.  The two youngest are paired with the two older kids so that everyone learns to play.  Great way to teach teamwork, cooperation, etc.

8.  Eat dinner together every single night...even as they get older.

9.  Pray together every single night. There are great age appropriate devotionals out there for boys and girls, tweens and teens.  It’s a great way to stay connected with your child and to keep the lines of communication flowing.

10.  Shared Journal. Oh, my favorite.  My 11 year old daughter and I have a “shared journal” where we write back and forth to one another about silly stuff, serious stuff and sometimes even draw pictures.  It’s been a great way for her to talk to me about things that she might not feel comfortable talking about face to face.

11.  Love notes...in the lunch boxes. I love to do this.  I buy themed napkins and write a note or short bible verse each day.  Oct is Autumn (we don’t do Halloween), Nov is Thanksgiving, Dec is Christmas, Feb is Valentines, April is Easter, etc.  Sometimes I find themed ziploc baggies for their sandwiches too.  It’s just a little something special they get each day.

12.  Find a mom who has kids about 3 - 5 years older than yours to mentor you. You won’t regret it.  My oldest is in 6th grade and I have intentionally sought out a mother who has high school aged children.  I can talk to her about preparing my daughter for college, what’s important what’s not, social stuff, her take on dating, boys, “mean” girl stuff, when is it appropriate to wear make up, etc. It’s always nice to have someone who’s been there done that to say, “Hey, you’re being a bit unreasonable.” or “If you do that...it could lead to this!” Obviously, you should use your own best judgement and talk with your husband but it’s nice to have a sounding board.

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A Word From Kat on Mentoring

Isn’t that great stuff? I have to agree especially on the mentoring tip. I recently sought out a mom of 4 older kids and I’ve been meeting with her and asking her advice on a number of current issues and issues that I think I’ll encounter in the near future.

You may not know an older parent, but don’t let that deter you. I didn’t know this woman very well, but I knew she was a great mom so I just sucked up my pride and asked if she’d be willing to meet with me.

It has been priceless.

Your Turn

What parenting ideas or tips do you have to share? Write them in the comments or on your blog and add your link below.

See you next Thursday for another installment of Parent’s University!

Day 4: Parent’s University - Summer Fun

Posted on 06.18.08 in Parents University and there are 9 comments.

In all honesty, this week my summer hasn’t been much fun.

Those images that run through your head of carefree summers with the kids, probably don’t resemble my reality. We aren’t frolicking in the yard in our perfect clothes and smiling happily in our nice clean house all day long.

No, this week, my house is filled with kids sitting in various chairs in timeout, my baby screaming for reasons known only to him and my sick husband who has had to excavate the laundry pile that is Mt. Washmore just to get into bed at night.

What is to blame for all this chaos?

Lack of planning

I didn’t plan well and ended up seriously overcommitting myself this week. As a result, I haven’t gotten much sleep and I’ve been grumpy - particularly with the kids who have copied my grumpiness - which then enhances my grumpiness…

We had cereal for dinner because I hadn’t planned dinner and was caught off guard when 5:00 hit.

I didn’t plan to do anything fun today...so we didn’t do anything fun today.

If You Fail To Plan, You Can Plan To Fail

I’m sure you’re heard that one a million times. But it’s oh-so-true.

So, in order to make this summer a fun one, here’s what I’m going to do: P-L-A-N!

1. I will wake up early to pray, be proactive and prepare for the day.
2. I will plan activities for the week that we will do.
3. I will plan our meals for each week.
4. I’ll work with kids to come up with a list of things they want to learn this summer and I’ll figure out a way to teach them.
5. I will plan and prepare for different crafts we can do each week. (This is a true sign of my love for my kids. I’m SO not crafty.)

Tomorrow

My plan for tomorrow is to take the kids to the pool and then we’ll have a movie night tomorrow night.

Simple, but fun.

What Are Your Plans For Summer Fun?

What fun things have you done so far? What fun things are you looking forward to? I need help and I’m sure others do to. Please share your ideas in a post on your blog or in the comments.

Parent’s University: Interview with Heather Whittaker Pt. 2

Posted on 06.12.08 in Parenthood Parents University and there are 1 comments.

Click here to read Part 1 of the interview with Heather.

On with part 2…

5. You’ve done a number of really creative and fun family theme nights.
What was your favorite one? What other family traditions do you have?

My favorite family night is usually the last one I have done. They just keep
getting better. I loved bowling night but seeing my man dressed up as
Goldilocks was quite fun too!
As for traditions, lets see… Besides family night I try not to make
traditions elaborate. Its the simple things like, phrases that we all say,
or songs that we sing at bed time. I try to pray with each of them before
they go to school, Carlos is the pancake maker. I feel like I am a loose
cannon right now, my mind is all over the place.  I do love our birthdays,
we go all out. A week of celebration! We have a girls day with hair, makeup,
shopping, and eating around each of their birthdays. That’s all I can think
of right now. I know I have many more but I am coming up blank.
Oh, I almost forgot. This week we are starting a new tradition. We are going
to have one meal a week of just rice. We have decided as a family that
because of the food crisis that is going on we will stop our lives and give
that meals budget to Compassions food crisis fund. We will have only rice
and focus on a country that struggles to feed its children. That is our new
tradition starting this week.

6. What is your biggest victory/success as a parent? How did you achieve
it?

I think keeping 3 kids alive and well for over six years is a huge success
for me.  Really, you should hear my pet stories, I did not have a good
record. I love that my kids are so laid back. That is how I parent and I
really have seen that come through in how my kids behave. They really are
great, and on most days easy!

7. What is your biggest challenge? How are you working to overcome it?

I think the biggest challenge is learning how to stop and make time for me.
I have to learn to value me time daily, I have to learn how to value time
with my man weekly and I have to learn to value the need for a vacation
yearly! I struggle with making myself stop.  Not only do I struggle making
time for me I also miss out of quality time with my kids because I am
constantly cleaning. So my challenge is making myself stop.
One thing that I do every night is read. It’s my time, and its the only
thing that I can’t multi task while doing. It forces me to stop.

8. What inspires you to be a great mom? Where do you get your creative
ideas?

I have been able to have had some great friends in my life who are
phenomenal moms! I totally piggy back off of all their parenting ways and
idea’s. I also love being a mom. I value memories and try to create simple
things that our kids will remember. As for the family nights, my best friend
and I are tag teaming and inspiring
each other with family nights. We are a good team. We just do most of our
work on google. That is one fabulous machine! Then we add our little
touches. Anything can start the idea. Some thing at the 99cent store, a
gift, a party, really anything and then we just take it from there.

More Parent’s University Interviews

Michael Hyatt - President and CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing shares his wisdom from raising 5 daughters and balancing work and family life.

Cindy Seay - mother of 5, including Robbie Seay of the Robbie Seay Band (whose music was featured on American Idol ads and Oprah’s show - The Big Give) offers her advice on raising children who will change the world.

Parent’s University: Interview with Heather Whittaker Pt. 1

Posted on 06.12.08 in Parenthood Parents University and there are 6 comments.

I recently had the opportunity to interview Heather Whittaker, possibly the coolest mom in the blogosphere.

She’s the mother of three kids - two girls and a boy (who was adopted from Korea two years ago), she takes her laptop to scrapbooking parties, she traveled to Uganda to save children, she does amazingly creative Family Fun Nights and she’s inspiringly open and honest (as you’ll see in this interview).

You can see why I love reading her blog…

(Oh yeah, and she’s pretty much blog royalty in these parts. Her husband is blog King Carlos aka RagamuffinSoul.)

I hope you enjoy this interview.

1. What started your adoption journey?
Oprah…
We had always said we would like to adopt, but I think most couples say that. In a course of 3 weeks we saw two episodes on Oprah that highlighted orphans in Africa and China. It made us begin to talk and realize that this was more than just something we wanted to dream about, it was something we needed to START to do. So long story short that is how we began. After that we jumped into the mountains of paperwork and we were off to bring Losiah home.

2. What was the hardest part of adopting? Did you expect that part to be hard? How did you handle it?
Hmm, the hardest part before we brought him home was the paperwork. The filling it out was terrible and exhausting, but the follow up on it just about put me in a loony bin. It was a bunch of paper work going to the government, our adoption agency and Korea.  Many times things were not done correctly, they did not receive it or some kind of drama happened and it frustrated the tar out of me. That was my labor pains. And that is why I am not willing to think about another adoption right away. 
After we brought him home the hardest part would be the fact that I felt like I was babysitting someone’s baby. I love him. I think he is adorable, but I do not feel like he is mine. Which also sucks because I KNOW he is.  However my heart just does not feel it. Now this has changed over time. I feel like he is mine now, I just struggle loving him as much as the girls (my two biological kids) Sorry for being honest. I handle it by loving him everyday. Its a decision that I make everyday.

3. If you could impart one piece of advice to those who are adopting, what would it be?
That’s hard. I would say my only parenting advice adopting or not is… to do what is best for you and your family. There are so many opinions and people telling you what to do it can overwhelm you. I say stick to your gut and what makes you and your family thrive.
Ok Now I take my first statement back I do have advice...Don’t become consumed with the adoption. Focus on your marriage! Make home life the best it can possibly be before the little one comes!
See I do have advice

4. How has the Uganda trip affected the way you parent?
I answered this one last because I am still trying to process all that I saw, learned and experienced in Uganda. It has affected the way I parent because I have really learned how wasteful we are. I get nauseous when I see how much crap they have in their room. Sorry for saying crap I have to remember this is not for my blog, but that is what it is. Junk. Those kids in Uganda had sticks and a tire and it was their prize possession, and mine are complaining that they have to clean their room.  So daily whether it is being wasteful with their meals or complaining because they have to much I get so saddened. Waiting for the day we can all go over there and allow our hearts to change again but this time as a family.

Stay Tuned...

Click here for Part 2. In the meantime, be sure to check out Heather’s blog.

More Parent’s University Interviews

Michael Hyatt - President and CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing shares his wisdom from raising 5 daughters and balancing work and family life.

Cindy Seay - mother of 5, including Robbie Seay of the Robbie Seay Band (whose music was featured on American Idol ads and Oprah’s show - The Big Give) offers her advice on raising children who will change the world.

Parent’s University: Wisdom From A Father And CEO

Posted on 05.22.08 in Parenthood Parents University Blogging and there are 7 comments.

(After yesterday’s tragedy, I am so challenged to make the most of everyday with my kids. I hope this post will encourage and inspire us to be the best parents we can be.)

Today’s installment of Parent’s University features an interview with Michael Hyatt. Michael is the President and CEO of Thomas Nelson Publishing, and he and his wife Gail have 5 grown daughters.

I’ve gotten to know Michael and Gail via Twitter and I’ve really enjoyed reading about their sweet marriage and the fun things they do as a family.

Michael has some great wisdom to offer to parents. In fact, after I read his answers to the interview questions yesterday morning, I was inspired to implement his advice and be an awesome Mommy for the rest of the day.

I failed miserably…

I’ll try again today. On with the interview:

1. We often hear of high-level businessmen achieving success at the expense of their families. How have you been able to move up the corporate ladder while maintaining a healthy marriage and raising such a close family?

I know that businessmen sometimes do rise in corporations at the expense of their families, but in my experience this is rare. If you have problems at home, they eventually show up at work. When they do, they can torpedo your career. The same is true of your health. If you don’t pay attention to your physical well-being, it will eventually catch up with you.

Life is a seamless whole. Everything affects everything else. You can’t easily focus on one area for long without giving attention to the others. If your health fails, it affects your family and your work. If your career fails, it affects your health and your family. It all works together—or not.

I have also been very clear on my priorities from the beginning: God, self, family, work, church, everything else. (If you want to know why I put myself second, see this link). Early in my career, I wasn’t always successful at keeping these things in balance—especially when the girls were younger. But Gail, my wife, has always been great at gently getting me refocused on my priorities.

2. You and your wife, Gail, have 5 girls. What do you know now about raising daughters that you wish you’d known when you started the journey of parenthood?

That listening is the most important skill you can acquire. If you don’t listen to your daughters, they will find someone who will. I don’t have to share brilliant insights. I don’t have to be clever. I certainly don’t have to have all the answers. All I really have to do is listen well and ask good questions.

There is a tremendous healing power in listening. It connects you to other people. We receive a torrent of incoming information all day long. But it is rare to find someone who will listen.

Listening connects us to other people in a deep and powerful way. I haven’t always been good at this. When the girls were younger, I tended to talk way too much. I thought I had to speak into every situation. Often this caused a breach in the relationship, because the girls didn’t feel heard. If my daughters don’t feel that I have heard them, they can’t hear me. This is really a lesson that applies to every situation.

3. What was the most challenging season of parenthood? How did you endure? In hindsight, what advice do you have?

The most challenging season is the one you are in. Seriously. Parenting is one of those things you generally have to learn on-the-job. You can read books, attend seminars, etc. But it’s all theory. Until you get in a real, live situation, you don’t know what you will face or how you will handle it.

The best advice I can give is to trust God, read His Word daily, and do your best. Years ago, Dr. James Dobson said, “The average child can survive the average number of mistakes made by the average parent.” This has been hugely helpful to me in giving me perspective.

The other thing I have learned is that if you love your children well, you can make a lot of mistakes and they will be okay. By “loving them well,” I mean telling them daily, valuing them, encouraging them, listening to them, and expressing physical affection. We are a very “huggy family,” and I think this is also one of those things that kids crave. Again, if they don’t get it from you, they will seek it elsewhere.

4. You often write about the fun things you do with your daughters (running, web 2.0 stuff, playing guitar). What are some practical steps you’ve taken to develop such close relationships with your children?

Someone has said that kids spell “love” T-I-M-E. It’s true. If you make time for your children, everything else will take care of itself. I find that just by eating together as a family and taking the girls out for impromptu dates really works. By spending time together, I learn what is important to them.

I have also always tried to encourage the girls to pursue what interests them. My dad was great at doing this with me. When I took up a hobby, my dad took it up with me. I have also done the reverse. I’m kind of a natural evangelist in that way. If I get interested in something—whether it’s blogging or running—I have to enroll other people in it. I just enjoy doing things with other people and sharing the fun. I think my girls have learned this, too.

5. What is the #1 piece of advice you would give to fathers?

Love your wife. This is more important than loving your children. It creates a secure environment. It will make your children secure. When they are secure, they will be less tempted to find security and belonging somewhere else.

It also demonstrates concretely what love looks like. It teaches them the importance of relationships. It is the model they will take into every other relationship. Nothing is more important than this. It applies on so many different levels.

I would also strongly urge any parent, especially fathers, to read How to Really Love Your Child by Ross Campbell (Cook Communications). He talks in depth about how to express love to your children in ways that are meaningful to them. This is one of the first parenting books I ever read and certainly the most important.

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Didn’t I tell you that was some good stuff?

Be sure to check out Michael’s blog and Twitter feed.

Cindy Seay Interview Pt. 2

Posted on 04.30.08 in Family Parenthood Parents University and there are 1 comments.

This is Part 2 of an interview with Cindy Seay (click here for Part 1), mother of Brian, Chris, Robbie, Jennifer and Jessica. I don’t know about you, but I’m incredibly eager to learn from parents who are “on the other side” and have raised children who are passionately following God.

Cindy and her husband are some of those blessed parents. Enjoy her words of wisdom…

On With The Interview...

How did you find quality time for each child?

This was hard.  The kids were close in age and there was always something to do.  We tried to take one of them with us to run errands or out for a special treat.  We did the best we could to spend time with each of them.  My husband would work at taking each one of them out for special evenings. 

What was the hardest season of parenthood and how did you overcome it?

When we look back on the many years of parenting we would agree that the most difficult years were the pre-adolescent years (11-13 years old).  There is so much confusion and hormones surging through their minds and chaos comes easily.  These were the years when it was important to have one on one times with them.

How were you able to balance your time? Time for God, time for your husband, your kids and a you?

In the early years of my marriage and parenting I read a book by Linda Dillow called Creative Counterpart.  This book had a major impact on me.  It gave me great direction in maintaining my priorities.  Of course, I didn’t achieve that all the time. I kept my list of priorities in my Bible and I worked hard to start my day with the Lord – not neglect my husband – be the mom my kids needed – make my home a place of refuge – and then be available for any other ministry opportunities that God had for me.  I tried to focus on my husband, kids and home and did not do too many things outside of those priorities.  It seems to me that today women try to “do it all” and they find themselves constantly stressed and frenzied over how to do the things that are most important.  If you are stressed over the priorities – then you probably need to reassess and make some changes. 

When people ask us for advice on how to raise godly children I would say this…

Pray, Pray, Pray
Be consistent.
Be real and honest.
Be vulnerable and ask for forgiveness when it is appropriate.
Never use church activities as a punishment by not allowing them to attend church activities.  We felt that our kids needed to be in every kind of activity that the church offered.  This just helped to keep their focus on learning about Jesus.
We never expected anything but the best from our children.  We were not obsessed with grades – we simply wanted our kids to give it their best.  They have all been dreamers to some degree and we have encouraged them to be whatever they believed God called them to be.
We did not allow our kids to have jobs that would keep them from attending important church activities.  We believed that they would have the rest of their lives to work.  The teenage years are crucial as they grow in their walk with the Lord.  It will help determine their priorities when they leave your home and go to college.  All of our children felt God’s call on their lives at summer student camps.
We used their senior year in high school to begin to “let go”.  We allowed them to make some of their decisions.  They did not have a curfew that year but if they came in after midnight we would have a talk about whether that was really wise. (I always told them that nothing good ever happens after midnight. I think my mom told me the same thing) It is a great way to allow them to practice with our wisdom readily available.
We believed that it was important for them to go away to college after high school graduation.  This gave them an opportunity to work on being an adult in a somewhat safe environment.

We were not even near perfect parents.  We made plenty of mistakes.  I hope that in the process of making mistakes that we were honest and open with our kids and they could see a bit of Jesus in us. That was always our goal.

Parent’s University: Chores

Posted on 04.09.08 in Parenthood Parents University and there are 11 comments.

Today’s topic for Parent’s University is: Chores.

Please try to hold back your excitement and anticipation.

My tips today will focus on how I get chores done with three little kids at home.

The Laundry Basket

It’s not that hard for me to get some chores done when I just have my two oldest children with me.

But when I have The Small Person (my 1 year old boy) it’s much harder to get stuff done because if I leave the “Mommy Radar Radius” he tends to get upset.

So if I need to do something that requires much travel around the house, I put him in a laundry basket with a few of his favorite toys and drag him with me wherever I go.

He’s not constantly being interrupted from his play and I’m not having to carry him and his toys around from room to room.

As Seen On TV

I’m embarrassed to say this, but...I bought an item from the “As Seen On TV” section of Target and.....I LOVE it. I truly love it.

We have wood floors, three kids and a high traffic kitchen/dining room area. I sweep at least 3 times a day. But sweeping is so much easier now that I have this:

It’s called a Swivel Sweeper and if you have small kids, pets or just really hate regular sweeping, you need one.

The best part is that my kids love to use it, so they often sweep for me!

Swivel Sweeper inventor: I love you.

Your Turn

So what are your great chore/cleaning tips?

I need help and I’m sure other parents do too.

How It Works

1. Write a post* with your tips.

2. Then submit the link to your post in the box below. If you don’t have a blog, please leave your tip in the comments.

*Please link to the specific post and not just your blog main page. We want people to be able to easily access your post in the comings days and weeks.

Parent’s University: An Interview With Cindy Seay Pt. 1

Posted on 04.02.08 in Parenthood Parents University and there are 3 comments.

I am SO excited about today’s installment of Parent’s University. Instead of hearing from our peers, we’re going to hear from a mom who has done what we all long to do…

Who Is Cindy Seay?

Cindy and her husband have raised five...FIVE...children who are loving God, following Him and ministering to others. I find that pretty incredible.

Today she’s sharing a bit of the wisdom she’s learned along the way. But first, let me introduce you to her children.

You might recognize a few of them…

The Seay “Kids”

Brian works for Compassion International and helped put together the Uganda Blogging trip.

Robbie is in a band called The Robbie Seay Band. Their new album Give Yourself Away is completely amazing. 

Chris is a well known pastor and author.

Jenn and her husband minister to college students (randomly, Jenn also lived across the hall from me my freshman year at Baylor).

Jessica is a photographer, blogger and student at Houston Baptist University.

The Interview

What are some practical ways you taught your children about Jesus?

When my kids were little we loved talking about Jesus in the dailies of living – the flowers, trees, rain, praying for “bo-bo’s” to heal or for run away pets to return home. 

As the kids got older we involved them in our prayer needs – we were always honest (within age-appropriate boundaries) about struggles i.e. finances, church issues, personal spiritual journeys, etc.  We chose to send our kids to public school and felt that we could help them become true warriors for Christ by teaching them how to deal with the realities of the world as they faced it within their school life.

We never wanted our kids to feel that they were “preacher’s kids” (though they were).  We wanted them to know that first and most important they were our kids and who they were did not depend on what church members thought about them.  We wanted them to simply learn to love Jesus and live for Him as “normal” kids not just within the context of church.

Tell us about your personal devotional life and the part it played in being a successful parent.

One of my biggest struggles when my kids were little was finding time to be alone with God. 

It seemed that not matter how early I got up to have my quiet time that one of the kids woke up at that time also.  The enemy did all he could do to keep me from time with the Lord. Moms always have to be creative to grab some quiet time. 

I found God was interested in every detail of my life and I would find a quiet place at different times during the day just to bring Him my needs.  That was more than encouraging and comforting to me when things were tough. 

I had a great mentor during the years when my kids were young and still remember today some of the practical things she taught me – mostly combining my walk with the Lord and parenting in very “normal” ways. 

She also challenged me in the Word by asking me, on a regular basis, what God was teaching me.

I also kept a journal and when things were really tough I found such reassurance by re-reading past journal entries and being reminded of how God had provided in the past.  Church work was hard and money was more than tight. 

Remembering what God had done for us in similar situations kept me standing firm. 11 I will remember the deeds of the LORD; yes, I will remember your miracles of long ago. 

What advice do you have for adoptive parents?

God gave us Jessica when our youngest son was 12 years old. 

We had no idea that God intended for us to start parenting all over again.  The journey of raising Jess and at the same time working for a Christian adoption agency has taught me so much. 

I would say to adoptive parents – God has a plan for them and for their child.  Find your confidence as an adoptive parent in Ephesians 1.  The Word tells us that God knew us before the foundation of the earth and that He had a plan for us before we were ever born. 

As an adoptive parent you can be assured that God has chosen you to be parents to this child.  As an adopted child, that child can be assured that they are not a mistake or an accident – God had a plan for them before they were ever created and a plan for them to be a part of their family long before they were born.  How awesome is that!!!!

Of course, I also believe that it is important to maintain a connection between the adopted child and their birth family.  This give them the answers they will need as they grow older and removes the sense of rejection.

How did you stay organized with 5 kids?
If you have ever studied temperaments you will understand what I mean when I tell you that I am a melancholy to the extreme.  Therefore, I was obsessed with finding ways to be organized. I must admit I took it to the extreme more than once.

I had 4 kids - all born within 5 years.  I loved reading books on how to be an organized homemaker or a super-mom and then I would do all that I could to become that person. 

At one point I actually had a card file that listed all house cleaning tasks and how often they should be done and the last time it was done.  I often spent too much time working on my organizational skills instead of just enjoying my kids. 

If I could do it all over again – I would sit down in the floor more and just play.

Stay Tuned

Stay tuned for the second half of this interview tomorrow. Click here for part two.

(Also stay tuned later today for my second giveaway here at TSLOK.)

Parent’s University: 3 Tips for Stress Free Family Finances

Posted on 03.26.08 in Family Parenthood Parents University and there are 10 comments.

Finances can be one of the biggest stressors on a family.

It is listed as the number one reason for divorce.

I don’t know all the reasons why, but Jimmy and I have never had an argument about finances. Ever.

We’ve had arguments about other things, but not finances. 

Here’s our story and three things that we think have played a role in our stress free financial life.

1. Get Out of Debt.

When Jimmy and I got married we had over $35,000 in college debt. After we finished school and started working, we decided to pay off our debt as fast as we possibly could.

We were very serious about getting out of debt.

We lived in a roach infested apartment. I drove a 12 year old truck on a 45 minute commute in Houston. In the summer. Without air conditioning.

Summer. NO air conditioning...H-O-U-S-T-O-N.

As I said, we were VERY serious.

It was worth it, though.

We paid off all our debt within 1 year. And from that point on we decided that we wouldn’t go into debt for anything except a house.

There have been several times where we were tempted to take out a loan for one thing or another, but we have been very committed to staying debt free.

2. Live Within Your Means

I think the key to staying debt free, for us, has been living within our means.

If we can’t pay cash, we can’t afford it. Period.

We never owned a car in the same decade it was built until we were 26 years old.

We didn’t own a new car until we were in our 30’s. And now it’s our only car.

We have a modest home that is not quite big enough for parties, but is perfect for our family.

Having peace of mind and peace in our home has been more wonderful than a 5 bedroom house or a fancy car.

3. Covet Contentment

We’re not rich. We live off of one income. But I don’t think money really has much to do with our sense of financial freedom.

God has given us the grace to learn to be content and thankful for what we have.

If we don’t have the money for something, it doesn’t make us sad or strive, it just makes us move on.

I think that all the hard choices we’ve made along the way to say no to immediate gratification have helped change our hearts so that hard choices aren’t really all that hard anymore.

We try to focus more on what we have than what we want.

I hope this post doesn’t come across as bragging or arrogant. That’s not my intention at all. I know that finances are very difficult part of many families lives and I just wanted to share what has worked so well for us.

Parent’s University: Family Finances

Posted on 03.26.08 in Family Parenthood Parents University and there are 1 comments.

Welcome to another installment of Parent’s University!

This Week’s Topic Is: FAMILY FINANCES

How It Works

1. Write a post* with a tip on how to save money, spend more wisely, invest well or anything that will help families improve their finances.

2. Then submit the link to your post in the box below.

3. Come back to check out all the other entries for this week’s topic.

4. If you don’t have a blog, please leave your tip in the comments.

*Please link to the specific post and not just your blog main page. We want people to be able to easily access your post in the comings days and weeks.

3.27.08 - Parent’s University Topic: Finances

Posted on 03.25.08 in Parenthood Parents University and there are 2 comments.

The topic for this week’s Parent’s University is: Finances.

It’s a fact. Kid’s aren’t cheap.

Diapers, clothes, toys, piano lessons…

It all adds up.

Let’s share our best money saving, college fund building, penny pinching tips.

It’s all happening right here on Thursday at Parent’s University.

See you there!

Parent’s University: Having Fun with Traditions!!

Posted on 03.12.08 in Parenthood Parents University and there are 8 comments.

(This is my entry for this week’s Parent’s University series. Click here to read the other entries.)

One of the ways that I really like to have fun with my kids is to have family traditions.

My oldest two are only 3 and 5 and just about everything they encounter each day is new and different.  I think they enjoy these little traditions we have because it allows them to feel like they are in control. They know exactly what is going to happen and how it’s going to play out.

Our Traditions

Gogurt and the Bible
Our most enduring tradition is that the first thing my girls do in the morning is put gloves on, got to the freezer and eat a gogurt (a frozen yogurt).

Before my other two children were born, my oldest daughter and I would get our gogurts and then go sit on the bean bag in my closet and read a Bible story.

That got a bit cramped as my younger daughter joined in, so the couch is where we read our stories now.

Mommy Monday
Before my oldest started school we had a weekly “Mommy Monday.” The girls would get their dolls and their doll strollers and we’d all go to Panera bread and order bagels for breakfast. Afterwards, we would take a nice walk down to the bookstore and read and play with the train set.

We don’t go to Panera weekly anymore, but I do try to take them every now and then. Even though the trip isn’t a scheduled tradition, what we do when we go is still fun and predictable for them.

A Haircut and A Sandwich
Whenever the girls and I go to get our haircut two things always happen:

1. If they sit still for Ms. Joni, they get a sucker. This is VERY exciting for them.

2. After we get our haircut, we walk over to the sandwich shop and enjoy lunch together.

Crepes on Sunday
Every Sunday morning, Jimmy makes crepes for us. The girls sit on the stools at the counter, help him stir the batter and wait for their warm and delicious breakfast.

(Does anyone see a food theme here? Hmmmm.....perhaps I need to work on that.)

How To Make Your Own Traditions

Here are a few tips for developing your own traditions:

1. Pick an activity and do it on a certain day of the week, month or year.
This is the most obvious sort of tradition, but it’s also the hardest to maintain. Make sure that whatever you do, you really want to do and can feasibly become a tradition.
2. Join two or more activities together, so that when one is done the rest always follow.
These can be irregular traditions but are memorable because even though the timeframe changes, the sequence of events is always predictable.
3. Be consistent.
It’s not a tradition if it’s not done consistently. Usually, you’re kids will help you with this one because they look forward to them so much.
4. Don’t Give Up.
If you fall out of a routine, don’t be afraid to start it back up. We’re not as consistent as we’d like to be about our morning Bible Study and we have lapses in all of our little traditions, but we just try to start fresh every day and pick up where we left off.

Your Turn

So what kind of family traditions do you have or want to have?

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